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Looking for girlfriend > Blacks > When the guy you like just wants to be friends

When the guy you like just wants to be friends

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Your relationship is easy and fun, you laugh and talk, your friends agree you were meant to be together, everything is perfect…of course you want more than friendship! Your friendship is comfortable and relaxed, you agree on almost everything, you never have to struggle to find things to talk about. But when he says all he wants is friendship…what do you do? But he just wants to keep it casual for now, until he finishes his schooling.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: He Says We Are Just Friends But Acts Like More - What's Going On?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: He says he just wants to be friends

13 Signs He Just Wants to Be Friends Even if You’re Hoping for More

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Where have we heard that before? It's an all too familiar one for most of us. And that's our letter writer's story this week, one of our beautiful readers who wants to remain Anonymous, so I'm calling her Lee. She likes a guy who only wants to be friends so she's wondering what to do. So the thing is I like a guy from my school and he is amazing. Well, we talk a lot and we even text often. But at the end of the day when I tell him I like him, he says he still wants us to be friends.

I don't know what to do. When you tell a guy you like him and his response is that he still just wants to be friends with you , there's only one thing you can do: listen to him. I've heard from so many women after the fact - who listened to all the reasons they gave themselves as to WHY he would have said this and of all the things he might have been thinking when he said it.

You know what they all have in common? They all ended up frustrated, confused and many of them heartbroken because they didn't listen to what their guy was saying - and believe him!

So even though you may know he has his reasons, even though you may be pretty sure the two of you would be perfect for each other if he would only be open enough to find out, the best thing you can do for yourself is accept that regardless of what you think and how you may see things , his say in this matters more than anything you could put together.

And seeing this as a green light instead of a red one, only sets up a situation where you find yourself either putting way too much of your time and attention into him, or worse, trying to manipulate him. Let's get one thing crystal clear: you only want someone who chooses to be with you, who's ready for you, and wants to be more than friends with you.

If you're the only one who wants this, you're going to end up frustrated, resentful, angry, sad, and heartbroken when he sticks to his word and never becomes more of a friend than he already is.

Or worse, if you lose him as a friend in the process. Friendship is about two people respecting each other, accepting the other where they're at, not trying to change them or manipulate them even in subtle ways to change them. If that's what you have now, ask yourself if trying to get more from him is worth damaging what you already have.

Having said that, I do know there are some friends who together choose to become more than friends down the road when both of them were allowed to develop genuine feelings for each other without the other trying to get them to be something more before they were ready.

After all, there's a reason most couples realize down the road the wisdom of the age-old advice, "marry your best friend. But what that comes with is the assumption that you're both choosing each other, recognizing that the best person to be in a romantic relationship with is someone who you can actually talk to, someone who you are genuinelly compatible with, someone who shares the same values and morals as you, and someone who you can't wait to share your best news with.

And someone who you happen to be romantically attracted to. The best way for that kind of relationship to materialize is by giving someone the space to be themselves, the respect to listen to what he's telling you and respectin that.

Can you refrain from trying to change him or to convince him otherwise or acting out in a way that you think might get him to change his mind? A guy who senses he's being manipulated in any way isn't likely to want to stick around - even in the friend capacity. Just like you have your own preferences and programming around who you choose to be more than friends with, so will he.

And whether he's aware of these or not, the best way to ensure you remain in his life - if you choose to - is to consider yourself friends. You don't ever want someone who doesn't know for certain he wants something more than this with you! If you can't just be friends with him, if you like him too much and know you're always going to be wanting more or feeling resentful if he ever pays attention to other girls because you want to be them, then you have to look at whether or not maintaining a friendship when you want more, is worth it.

I would love for you to be surprised down the road by him being ready for the relationship you want with him, but the last thing I'd want you to to is wait for him, pretending you're not pining for him when you are. That's never good for you. If he's the right guy for you - romantically, not just in friendship - that's what he'll come to want also.

But don't spend your time and energy and mindspace! Even if you can't be friends with him, he'll respect you for making that decision instead of putting it on him.

Don't measure your worth or desirability based on his decision about you! You may have everything in the world to offer someone but if he's not compatible with you and not ready for something more with you because he chooses to be, you could never be happy settling for someone on these terms.

You deserve someone on the same page as you, Lee. Someone who wants to be friends AND so much more than friends, too! Do you have any advice or words of encouragement for Lee?

Share them with her in the comments below! There is this guy who I met two years ago through a church small group. We became friends on social media and hung out a couple times.

We stopped hanging out and talking. I have contacted him again and have talked with him on this phone a few times. The last time we talked I told him I liked him. His response was he just wants to be friends. I respected his decision and he was happy that I was up front with him about my feelings.

I haven't talked to him since then. Should I still talk to him? Not unless he directly initiates something more, Andrea, and even then, only if you can actually just be friends with him. When you're on two different pages, it makes it really difficult to carry on just being friends. He still agrees to phone conversations. Some of the things we talk about are personal and the rest is just random. Since I told him how I feel could he be holding back or just shy?

Does it count for something that he is still wanting to talk? You're still the one saying "he still agrees to phone conversations". That's precisely the problem! You're on the begging end. A mutually equal partnership is what you're looking for, Andrea.

Not someone who agrees he'll talk to you. That's barely a friend and what it does to you goes so much lower than friendship.

Is this how you pictured it when you were so full of life and love not so long ago? I went through this with a guy I really cared about.

It tore me apart pretending. I was heart broken , cried when no one was around and acted like everything was great when we were together.

We spent a lot of time together and got along so well. Lee, Jane is right. When I met my 85 yr old widower five yrs ago and we fell in love, it took me sometime to accept the fact that he said, before he met me, that he decided he didn't want to remarry.

I didn't want to believe him. We both wanted a sexual relationship to, but because we are Christians we knew that we couldn't, so that was a struggle. But even so, wanting that, he didn't change his mind. We have a wonderful loving relationship, and I know he values me and doesn't want to lose me.

However, as time goes on, I realize the disadvantages of marrying him. But I must admit that when he refers to his late wife as "my wife", I get a "pang". So when Jane says "don't measure your worth or desirability based on his decision about you," it is a reminder to me also.

Your email address will not be published. Display a Gravatar image next to my comments. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting. Tweets by JaneGarapick. Want to learn more about bringing bringing him in closer instead of him pulling away? Comments Hi, There is this guy who I met two years ago through a church small group. Hi Lee I went through this with a guy I really cared about. I wish you the best Julia. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.

Latest Tweets Tweets by JaneGarapick.

Why You Should Say “No” To His Offer of “Just Friends”

Amy Sherman. Stephanie Weinblatt. Sally LeBoy.

Yeah I think you know what I mean. A guy who is so confusing and always sending mixed messages. He kind of drives you crazy!

I also provide guidance on how to assess the odds of whether a romantic relationship will really last. I really need some advice. I have been talking and kind of dating a divorced guy with two kids for seven months. He has just decided to pull away.

When He Just Wants To Be Friends, But You Want More...

So, why do girls say that they just want to be friends with good guys who have good intentions? Why does she reject such a great offer? Unfortunately, many guys make the mistake of thinking that being great friends with a girl will lead to her liking him and then wanting to have sex with him. Of course, the problem with all of this is that being liked as a friend and being lusted after as a potential boyfriend are two entirely different things. Being a sexually attractive man means developing the alpha male characteristics that women are instinctively drawn to in a man, and having the qualities that make women feel literally weak at the knees in your presence. Women are instinctively attracted to men with genuine self-confidence and true masculinity, and above all, men who make them feel feminine. Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds of women

I Like Him But He Just Wants to be Friends

Where have we heard that before? It's an all too familiar one for most of us. And that's our letter writer's story this week, one of our beautiful readers who wants to remain Anonymous, so I'm calling her Lee. She likes a guy who only wants to be friends so she's wondering what to do. So the thing is

Does he want to be just friends?

Take action and your feelings will change. Paul and I had been acquaintances for eight years. When I opened the door to his office one afternoon to offer our usual casual hello, an alchemical change packed a walloping charge through my body. When had my coworker become a handsome man with whom I suddenly wanted to share more than impersonal cafeteria trays in a crowd?

What A Man Really Means When He Says He Just Wants To Be “Friends”

You like him. You tell yourself to remain calm, to play it cool. Maybe he really does like me , you think. Your heart is fluttering in the clouds, and it skips a beat each time you see your phone light up with a text from him.

I got into relationships with emotionally unavailable men. This is a deeply-embedded primal instinct, which massively impacts how a man feels about the women in his life. When I learned how to activate this psychological trigger, it made a huge difference to my dating life. They ask me to commit to them read my personal story to learn how I made it happen. From a fear of commitment to just liking the attention he gets from you, if the guy you like has told you he just wants to maintain a friendship with you but acts like he wants more by flirting or asking you out on dates, then the following explanations could be why.

21 Undeniable Signs He Likes You More Than a Friend

If this wasn't, once upon a time, the story of my life, I honestly don't know what is. I'll start with this sordid lil' tale. My last pregnancy was with a guy who I was besties with. Although initially, I didn't have feelings for him, once they started to grow, I accepted that they weren't going anywhere. So, I told him what's up. After I did, I remember him saying to me, "I'm in love with you, and I don't want to be. The only thing worse than not having your feelings reciprocated is sharing feelings with someone who is fighting them, and you, at every turn.

May 17, - I like a guy from my school and he is amazing. Well, we talk a lot and we even text often. But at the end of the day when I tell him I like him, he.

You know how they say that with each experience is a lesson and if you have yet to learn from an experience than you are bound to repeat it again? Well consider me repeating a grade. You know how it goes: Girl meets Boy, who appears to have all the qualities in a potential mate. Girl and Boy calls, text and hang out to get to know one another.

The more you can take the emotions out of this situation, the easier it will be to heal. Yes, it stings to hear this but sometimes you might realize after a short period of time once the love glasses come off, that you just dodged a bullet. Ever experienced this? Here is my advice to help you feel great again when you are put in the friend zone.

You told me to get my energy out of there and I did, we still talk sometimes and just few days ago he told me he had come to a conclusion that he wanted to invest in a relationship and he wants to have a family even though he already has children. He also told me that he would be ok with a woman that already has children if all the right elements were there. I did not what to say, because I was not sure why he shared that with me….

The friend zone was basically created to soothe our egos. Still, they were never interested in something serious with you.

Either way, it feels like more than friendship, at least to you. Should you get your hopes up? Here are 21 of the biggest signs that he definitely feels something more:. He wants to know everything about you—every scar, every triumph, and every tragedy.

Check out the commitment issues signs you should watch out for below. Now I do know that the bond of friendship can be developed by getting to know one another. Communicate early and often around where the relationship needs to progress. Maybe he just wants you to be the girl he can call to hang out with when he is bored or to have sex with when he wants it. When a man wants a woman and is truly pursuing her, then he has no issue making it clear and taking himself out of that friend-zone. Be clear through your words and your actions as they must align…and so should his. If you do feel strongly for this man, commitment issues or not, you can still show him how much you care for him.


Comments: 2
  1. Kazikora

    I can not take part now in discussion - it is very occupied. Very soon I will necessarily express the opinion.

  2. Nagis

    I think, that you are mistaken. Let's discuss.

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