How to choose female life partner
Barton Goldsmith. What really jumped out at me was this line: "Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form. With the divorce rates as high as they are, it makes sense that it takes the right person, right time and right reasons to make a fulfilling and strong relationship. I love Dr. Goldsmith's tips, and as a nice complement, I wanted to write my own:.
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This can be a good metaphor for our dating habits in general. The reasons we fall in love may be a mystery, but the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics both you and your partner can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight.
These ideal attributes include:. This statement is not meant to echo the ever-advised mantra that maturity is important. These qualities are nice, but to truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past.
An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors. When people mature emotionally, they are less likely to re-enact or project past experiences onto their current relationships. They develop a strong sense of independence and autonomy, having differentiated from destructive influences from early in life. As they evolve within themselves, they are less likely to look for someone to compensate for shortcomings and weaknesses or to complete their incompleteness.
Having broken ties to old identities and patterns, this person is much more available to a romantic partner and the new family that they create together. Naturally, becoming emotionally mature ourselves helps with this process and dramatically improves our chances of achieving a solid and rewarding relationship. The ideal partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who is approachable and receptive to feedback can be a huge asset to a lasting union.
When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. Their openness is also an indication of their interest in personal development and often contributes to the development of the relationship.
Like perfect people, perfect unions do not exist, so finding someone with whom you can talk about an area that you feel is lacking in your relationship and who is open to evolving is more than half the battle. Conversely, being willing to accept feedback from our partners and looking for that kernel of truth in what they say allows us to develop ourselves in a similar manner.
The ideal partner realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, betraying their vulnerability and shattering their sense of reality.
Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. Even in painful situations such as infidelity, the blatant deception involved is often equally, if not more, hurtful than the unfaithful act itself. The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions. This goes for all levels of communication, both verbal and nonverbal. Being open and honest in our most intimate relationships means really knowing ourselves and our intentions.
While this can prove difficult, it is an effort worth striving for. Ideal partners treat each other with respect and sensitivity. They do not try to control each other with threatening or manipulative behavior. The ideal partner perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level.
This person is able to both understand and empathize with his or her partner. When two people in a couple understand each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. Developing our ability to be empathic helps us understand and attune to our partner.
The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. He or she is personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. This person should enjoy closeness in being sexual and feel uninhibited in giving and accepting affection and pleasure.
Being open to both giving and receiving affection adds a poignant feeling to our lives. The ideal partner has a sense of humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor.
A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life much easier. This piece is lovely, it will greatly help us to achieve a successful and healthy relationship. Also, our children growing will learn from this. Thank you. What an outstanding piece, thanks Dr. Lisa, this will go along way to help us in our relationship. These piece is so Lovely,it so much Inspired me by.
Understathe realities and ideas needed in life to yield a better result. Your email address will not be published. Dating Resolutions: 7 Characteristics of an Ideal Partner. About the Author. Lisa Firestone, Ph. An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention. Follow Dr.
Related Articles. Thanx a lot Reply Loyalty? Reply I think that falls under respect and maturity. Thanks alot such words can push me iny relationship for the next 20 years Reply. Waw So strong words that can keep relationship for a hundred of years Reply. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. How to make sense of and feel better about a breakup.
As a therapist, I hear a lot of breakup….
17 important qualities to look for in your life partner
Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear.
May 14 20 Iyar Torah Portion. Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open. With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights.
10 Tips for Choosing the Right Partner
Updated: September 3, Reader-Approved References. Choosing your life partner — the person you want to spend the rest of your days with — is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life. Living most of your life with the person you love can be a joyous, mutually-fulfilling experience, but finding and choosing the right person can be a monumental task. Luckily, it's something that most people go through, so you're not alone: in the U. Not exactly! Sometimes, our family and friends make great examples of good relationships and the kind you want to avoid too. Still, this isn't a required step to finding your partner.
11 Things You Should Contemplate Before Choosing a Life Partner
He is also the author of the American Shaman Collections. Look for these titles and others at his literary website. Thank you for your support. Christopher McGee was born and raised in Dallas, Texas.
There are a myriad number of ways to go about finding a partner these days. Work, church, dating sites and recreational activity groups are great places to start. But, you have to know what you are looking for and what to avoid.
6 Ways to Find The Right Partner
How to find a life partner or choosing the right life partner is a high stake decision and it starts with understanding what to look for in a life partner. Finding the right partner is essential for a happy and healthy marriage. As pleasant as it may sound it can be very confusing to choose your life partner.
This can be a good metaphor for our dating habits in general. The reasons we fall in love may be a mystery, but the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond the surface. While we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics both you and your partner can aim for that make the flame not only stronger, more passionate and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to die out the moment the clock strikes midnight. These ideal attributes include:. This statement is not meant to echo the ever-advised mantra that maturity is important.
How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1
And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are on average happier than single people and much happier than divorced people. Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. Well, start by subtracting your age from So given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy? People tend to be bad at knowing what they want from a relationship. Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences. One study found that speed daters questioned about their relationship preferences usually prove themselves wrong just minutes later with what they show to prefer in the actual event.
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